at least i learned something, right?

7:25 PM

Nellie: "Oh and p.s., go rape or murder your finals.  Whichever seems most enjoyable to you in the moment, it's completely your choice."

Me: "Haha, it's more like my final's going to rape ME."

"...well just enjoy that too!"

Oh I love my roommate.

Guys, there was some serious molestation going on in the testing center these last couple of days.  As so put by my coworker, I was the hott cheerleader, and the test was the entire football team.  Let's just say that my relationship with exams and school in general was NOT strengthened this week.  I started reminiscing about the days that I would finish a term in high school with OVER 100% in the class.  That was AWESOME!  Why didn't I appreciate that when I had the chance?

Dealing with the insecurities of not graduating from high school and having an overall feeling of inadequacy at BYU is magnified by 300% during finals week.  I think, finally, a few things have sunk in though.  It all started with my last day of class in Environmental Biology.  This class hasn't EXACTLY been a piece of cake, I'll be the first to admit that I won't be getting a very good grade.  My professor, however, has been awesome.  I didn't realize how great of a guy he was until lately.  Now, to preface this story, I have a problem with pessimism.  I don't even know how it began - when I was a kid and teenager I was always optimistic and happy (not that I'm unhappy now by any means).  But something in the last few years has triggered my inner pessimism that now kind of controls my life.

I was frustrated early on in this particular class.  The TAs were very unhelpful and the instructions were never clear.  Though I still worked hard, I had a very negative attitude towards basically everything that we did or talked about.  On the last day of class, our professor gave us a last lecture of sorts.  At the risk of sounding cheesy, I won't say that it completely changed my life, but guys it kinda completely changed my life.

His message was simple, but nevertheless stuck with me.  He talked about not letting our grades getting in the way of our education.  He talked about enjoying the ride, about working hard at goals and majoring in something we love.  He reminded us of the wonderful opportunity that we have to learn at an excellent university.  He told us to apply all that we had learned in this course as well as any other knowledge from various classes to our lives.  He especially emphasized remembering our values and remembering to love and to enjoy learning.

This was a serious aha moment for me.  I forget, like, daily to even pay attention in class. I try to get by with the minimum amount of work possible.  What's this doin' for me? Jack squat.  I complain and I complain about nit-picky problems in each of my classes, but you know what I've figured out?  EVERY SINGLE CLASS IS GOING TO HAVE PROBLEMS.  So I better just suck it up and deal.  College sucks, but there's beauty in the suckiness.  I just forgot to look for it.

Dr. Hopkins, thank you for your parting words, they won't be forgotten.

Spring term, my attitude is changing.  I'm reaching for A's, and I'm not even kidding.

Finals week, we're just going to forget about you.  We are not friends and never will be, but I'm praying that the next time we meet you will be nicer to me.  I'm coming on fire next time, so be prepared.

Books, like - the for fun ones that I used to associate with, we're going to become reacquainted.  Just so you know.  Books, meet my friend sunshine, because we're gonna be hangin' all together.

I'm going to prove to BYfreakingU that I CAN do this.  I AM smart.  I'm going to change and deal with things for realzies next time around.  I'm prepared to fight for a grade.  I'm prepared to love learning again.  Because that's what this world is all about.  Let's go.

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  1. I love it when a professor will set the topic aside and just talk. Great thoughts Lauren.

  2. laurenthejukebox17May 5, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    I know, I love it too. I feel like it hasn't happened to me too often thus far, but that was a great experience.


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