working on a saturday afternoon

10:57 AM

Today (or more like right now) as I was (am) sitting at my desk at work on a sunshiney Saturday afternoon, I did (am doing) something that I haven't ever done to such an extent before: I Facebook stalked myself.

First of all, I'm a total creeper/stalker whathaveyou.  Just a few minutes ago, a girl wandered to my desk that I recognized from my stake in Springville.  I knew her name, her siblings names, where she lived, and a few of the people she associated with in the stake.  I didn't say anything, that'd be WEIRD.  But I felt uber stalkerish knowing what her name was BEFORE I looked at her driver's license.  I get it from my dad, I remember EVERYONE.  And I'm good with names.  I see people I remember all of the time, but they don't have the slightest inclination of who I am.  Don't judge.

Through this talent, I'm an unintentional creeper/stalker.  Through Facebook, I'm an intentional creeper/stalker.  But in my defense, everyone does it.  Don't deny it, embrace it.  I mean, you get asked out by a cute (or not-so-cute) guy and you want to be prepared for your date so you use Facebook.  You want to know if that attractive person sitting next to you in Psychology is single?  Use Facebook.  You want to find your ex's social security number so that you can ruin their life forever?  Okay, Facebook probably won't (slash shouldn't) help you there, but you get the idea.

Anyway, I FB stalk all of the time.  And today, sitting in my boredom chair with my bored and tired brain, I stalked myself.  I was curious as to what kind of an impression people might get of me through my profile page.  Here's what I gathered:

From my profile pictures:

  • A wannabe myspace picture taker, but won't admit it to herself.

  • Went through an awful hair-coloring job.

  • Does karate.

  • Lived by the ocean.

  • Likes Jimmer Fredette.

  • Has blue eyes.

  • Writes ridiculous captions.

From my information:

  • Watches a lot of movies.

  • Semi-diverse music taste.

  • Narrow minded and main-stream book appreciation.

  • Sports player and fan.

  • Travel, language, that kinda sturff.

  • One could get the impression that I'm funny, but they also could miss over that facet of me entirely.  My humor is subtle, generally.  I personally think I have a good selection of favorite quotations (from Mark Twain to The Office), as well as a great people-of-fame-who-inspire-me list.  (Dwight Schrute, Jack Bauer, Ferris Bueller... best thing that Facebook has come up with in the last while...)

Photos OF ME:

  • Doesn't know how to smile.

  • Or how to dress (I feel like I dress well most days, I guess it just never ends up on Facebook).

  • Not fat.  Kinda thin, in shape, athletic, whatev.

  • Again with the dumb hair color.

  • Went to Girl's Camp one too many times.

Status updates:

  • Doesn't obnoxiously narrate her ever move (a plus, I hope).

  • Really, doesn't talk about life that much.

  • Likes BYU Basketball. A lot.

Here's the thing: when I stalk people, I generally first look at their profile pictures.  While mine don't tell too much ABOUT me, per se, they do show what I look like in a mostly attractive way.  Then, I look at their interests.  I feel like people can get a good grip of who I am based on what I like - and if you piled On the Waterfront, Lost, Coldplay, and Harry Potter on top of one another, people could get a rough idea of my personality.  I also feel like my about-me blurb is fairly informative.  Short, to the point, and me.  I guess.

What I was most disappointed with on my profile is it really doesn't show my sense of adventure.  Today the sun was so bright and everything was so beautiful outside and all I wanted to do was hike a mountain and climb some rocks.  It also doesn't help that neither me nor Nellie take pictures, like, ever, so our epic adventures go undocumented.

I guess the main thing I pulled out of this is that while you can get a rough idea about people by stalking their profiles - you really can't figure out who they are.  I'd like to think of myself as someone who can speak and write well, who is funny, someone that is quiet and reserved sometimes but the life of the party other times, someone who is nice for the most part and who knows how to listen, someone who loves a good adventure and nature, someone easy going and easy to please, who is a hard worker and who has a caring heart.  Facebook couldn't tell you that.

So do me a favor, fellow stalkers.  Especially those that stalk me.  And those that are male.  If you do come across my FB page, pay close attention to the part where I'm a BLACK BELT.  Cash in the awesome points for team l auren, stop looking at my page, and use that information as a go-ahead to get to know me better.  Outside of Facebook.  Because everyone wants to get to know a girl-ninja.  That's all.

You Might Also Like


Like us on Facebook