born this way, but not really

7:01 PM

Though Glee Season 2 hasn't been quite as enjoyable as Season 1, I did really like this additional "Gaga" episode.  Annnnd I really think that Kurt looks awesome here.  Kurt is great.  But basically, all the Glee kids are working on embracing something that they're ashamed of or embarrassed about.  Britney's stoopid, Finn can't dance, and Sam's got a trouty mouth.  But that doesn't mean that they still can't love who they are in spite of those "embarrassing" things.  And Rachel shouldn't get a nose job, obviously.

Here's my shirt:


There.  I said it.  But I should probably explain before you tell your kids to stop listening to me and my blog loses all credibility.  I, like, moved to another country or whatever.  After sophomore year, I blew that popsicle stand (high school sucks anyway right?) for relaxing by the waves, catching some rays, double fisted with piña coladas.

That... didn't really raise confidence in me did it?

My Dad=Mission President. In Tahiti.  Not Springville, Utah.  I left my educational pursuits for the greater good: the bigger picture, if you will.  I, like, didn't totally drop off the face of the planet, though (but kind of).  I went to a French school for a year (learned French) and did BYU Independent Study to get the necessary credits to bring me to the next level (learned that pre-calc sucks on a computer).

But I never got the cap 'n' gown, never got a diploma, never got a soft tassel to hang from my rear view mirror.


But it's okay, Tahiti was totes worth it.

And I'm a lot more mature because of it.  True story.  (I sometimes pretend like I'm immature, but deep down I'm really wise beyond my years).

I have had a rather humbling academic week, for lack of a better adjective.  And really, I only use the word "humbling" because I want to keep this blog G-rated.  I don't feel humbled at all, I feel pretty angry.

They say you should surround yourself with the best people.  I try my best, so I associate with a lot of intelligent people: they ain't hard to come by at BYU.  I love good conversation, I abhor bad grammar, I like people that "talk about things."  Like real stuff.  Which would probably be anything BUT Glee.  But I'm still kind of a closet Glee fan so we cool.  Anyway, it's really easy to get down on yourself when people boast about their 35 on the ACT, shrivel up in their disappointment in getting an A- on an O-Chem exam, and talk through politics like they're Barack Obama.  My classes aren't even that hard and I can't seem to pull it together enough to do well on a freaking Physical Science exam.

I don't know, it's just times like these that I feel so terribly under-qualified to be here at the Y.  It's a privilege that I try and work for, but can't quite squeeze to the top of the totem pole.  Or even half way up the totem pole.  I hate how hard I have to work for a C.  Some say that's college, but I say it's unfair.  I haven't even skipped a class yet!  I am watching only one TV episode a day!  I'm making nice to the TA's!  I am getting a decent amount of sleep!  (debatable).  What can I do better?  #frownyface

I've tried to "embrace" my shame like those kids in Glee could.  But I feel like I've already embraced it enough to work harder.  But if all the payment I get is mediocrity, the embarrassment and insecurity I feel resurface every day.



p.s. Rant posts end awkwardly, obviously.  I'm mad, so I can't come to a satisfying conclusion for everyone.

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