guess who's back? back again

3:04 AM

I wrote in my journal every single day of my mission. I know, right? I'm awesome, right? Super cool, right? Sure, I was made fun of for my "atlas" Atlases. (Just because my journals are huge doesn't mean you need to judge. Are calling them fat?) But yes. There were multiple atlases. I mean journals. There were five. NO THERE WEREN'T. There were totally five. Five huge journals. STOP IT. Yes, okay FINE I'M WEIRD. One guy asked me if my hand ever hurt from how much I wrote.

Two things about this:

1. I haven't written in my journal ONCE since I got off my mission.
I haven't written anything since I got off my mission.
I got home a month ago.
Over a month ago.

2. How can I have written so much during 18 months and yet STILL feel like that mission thing never happened?

Here's the thing. Being an RM is weird stuff. It's like I have reconnected with an old friend - a part of me that has just been chilling on a shelf with dusty 80's movies for 18 months. That's pretty cool. Old Lauren was awesome. But you spend enough time with the old and you start to... forget the new. Wait a minute, I think that usually the metaphor goes the other way around. Well, this is how it works for me right now, mkay?

And that's not totally true. I have come back to an all-too familiar world that I was a part of for 20 years, and yet I'm a different person in it. I know that, I get that. I'm different, you're different. The world is different. The world is the same. So much is the same, so much is different.

Guys, my life is weird.

One thing, though. I know that I need to write again. That'll help with thing number one. And if I can take care of thing number 1 and write more, then I'll be able to process thing number 2 and thing number 2 will naturally solve itself. This makes sense, right?


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  1. *cue cheers* And there was much rejoicing. :D

  2. Thanks, Beth. :) I needed some validation!

  3. Yay, I'm excited to have you back! Not that I ever see you, but mostly because I love your blog haha. Totally get the whole "did that even happen?" thing. I didn't serve a mission, but so many friends of mine have felt that same way. It's felt that way for me with significant periods of my life too. I spent a summer in Boston and then got home and wondered if anything had happened. I go through a difficult trial and when it's all over it feels like everything's cool and nothing was ever hard. I think we expect ourselves to change a lot or drastically, and when that doesn't happen, we get confused. But though I think we change less than we expect, we still change enough that there's a difference (hopefully/usually a good one). Welcome home!! :)

  4. Thanks so much for your comment! I love your blog too and it's fun to get back into blogging again! And yes, it is so weird how we have odd expectations for ourselves and when transition comes, sometimes our body and our mind responds differently... creating confusion. I've been here before, I think we ALL have, but it's still confusing. Good to have you relate. :) I hope to see you around sometime!

  5. Yay...I've been waiting for your return to the blog and getting my Lauren fix!


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